How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
