my mouth tastes like poor choices
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
It was confusing and full of hummus
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
