im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
