If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
