So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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