3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
