She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
