Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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