Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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