I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
