I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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