um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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