im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
