Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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