So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
