Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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