I cannot find my penis.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
