My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
