Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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