i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
