literally had 100 drinks last night.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
