If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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