I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
