there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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