you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
