I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
