Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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