i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
