ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
