He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
