You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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