Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
