At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
