And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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