i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
