I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
