i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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