so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
