I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
