it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
