Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
