How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
