she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
my liver is dry heaving
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
