Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
