Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
