This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
