Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
