he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
