If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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