People in love make me want to vomit
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
